Hot Diggy Dog….
Yep. Scooby Dooby Dooby Doo Dog.
I got a major bone to pick with America….or maybe the lack of a bone….
Yes, this blog is supposed to be about Dubai and my life overseas and all my fasciantions and pictures that look like I am stress free and slaying on genetics…however, every once in a while I discuss a revelation. And I got a serious revelation. An awakening mind you and it all centers around a hot dog.
Doggone it…here we go..
Here, I am in love with this app called “InstaShop”. Instashop allows me to live my best life under my covers while tapping on a screen for groceries. No, I know…there is judgement eye coming from you…but you don’t get it…..it’s lovely. You know that grocery store morning hassel that you deal with trying to beat folks to the store on errand day? Gone. Trying to get milk home in 120 Dubai heat before it becomes cottage cheese? Not no more. Finding yourself in a line of 20 people with two cashiers who failed the GED twice? Yeah…nah…Or in that moment when you come from the grocery store and you realize that after spending $312.08, you forgot to get pepper….
Basically, there is an app for that….and that app is calling my name like Usher Raymond in the rain….
And the app loves me back. Let me show you how they like to “Hey Big Head” your life into triffliness…
Yep, Instashop knows my heart. And my heart is not stuck in no grocery mart figuring out how much food I can stuff in a plastic bag without it ripping in half.
So on one my shopping sprees…well scrolls…I decided to purchase some hot dogs…because well, they are hot dogs and you can always eat a hot dog. Right….a hot dog does what a hot dog is supposed to do. There should be a musical selection dedicated to the power of a hot dog. It satisfies hunger in under 120 seconds. That is a special gift. Go Hot Dog Go!
So 60 minutes later (yes, just 60…did i say I love this app), groceries show up on my front door with a smile and i got my hot dogs, but yo….they are frozen. That’s cool though…things like that happen here you know. Like random things that just don’t make sense. Like 5 Durham Dollar Meals. Or fur jackets. Or cajun seasoning with a blonde hair blue eye picture on it….I’m learning.
So, I chop this up to another one of those “cultural differences” things. Like who freezes hotdogs? All my life, you find hotdogs in one of two places in the refrigerator. In the sandwich drawer next to the cheese (if you are organized…my sister) or right there in the right hand slot second shelf praying that it don’t hit the butter. But that is where you keep the condiments and it all goes together.
Never in my life have I seen or heard of a frozen hot dog.
Like I said. Cultural differences. Life goes on….throw the frozen hot dogs in the fridge and let it go….
Next morning…scrambled up some eggs and hot dogs….did a little something….put them back in the fridge…
Life is good.
Went back to my hot dog stash three days later because I was starving after work. A hot dog is a perfect snack…so let me grab me one so my hangry doesn’t commit a crime on someone’s emotions.
Go to the package and I see a film, like a slime on the outside of the hot dogs. What is this slime? So I sniff it and it smells like spoiled chicken.
What the hell? I didn’t leave the meat out. I followed all proper hot dog protocols. Cook. Wrap. Place in cold air. Not hard. That is why it is one of my favorite foods to work with. How is the hot dog smelling old?
Then it dawns on me. The hot dogs are expired.
Do hot dogs expired? I mean in my 40 years of life….I never been around expired hot dogs. I didn’t even know if they had a sell by date. Never had to think about a hot dog. Just grab and go….that is why we can feed them to all the children in America.
I mean. Its a hot dog.
Do hot dogs go bad?
Well, they don’t go bad in America….
Oh America. Yeah….not a lot of things go “bad” in America…huh.
But, in that moment, I didn’t want to contemplate over food laws, or steroids in food. Or exactly what is preservative and how it affects my health. I really just wanted to focus on if my medical insurance would cover me because I was hungry and I could always just microwave it. That will kill any harmful bacteria, right?
Well, I didn’t chance it. My medical insurance is in Arabic so I couldn’t really tell what was covered. I just Uber Eats some KFC (yeah…there is an app for that as well) and over a two piece chicken with southern mash potatoes (what is southern out here anyways)…I began to really think.
Yo. My hot dogs went bad.
If, in the UAE, hot dogs went bad in four days….what have I been eating all my life? What exactly is the magic ingredient that stopped meat from souring for all eternity? I need to know, because I need hot dogs during the zombie attack. It’s survival food right?
I never knew I had to question the intentions of a hot dog. I mean, the dude in the club. Anyone with gold teeth. Preachers with Porshes. Girls who can “do hair” with bald fades. I got the right to question a lot of things in life. But not the hot dogs at the cookout!!!
Sigh. So now, i got questions. So many questions.
And I really want to get some answers. But, after my Uber Eats order comes. Because right now….that is the most important thing in my life.
Trust me tho….it ain’t no hot dog.
Them dog days are dead and gone.