So this is a quick “how to say good-bye list”.
Yes, there is a protocol and some procedures…and funny enough…this blog is not for you who is leaving…its for those who are having to say good-bye. Because while they are going through emotions…they may not know somethings just really are not considerate.
8. Don’t expect the person to throw a big good bye party. Truthfully, parties cost. They cost a lot. And packing, planning, moving and pursuing cost a significant amount of money…I can tell you that I personally spent over a thousand dollars on documents just to get a work visa. Originally, I was planning a good bye party and the cheapest I would have come out with is spending six hundred dollars for people who love me to say bye. Nah, I need that for my housing in my new location.
7. Bring friends. If you decide to take that person out…call your friends and crew and allow more than one person to say good-bye at a time. This helps out on the back end because EVERYONE is asking for that person to do one more happy hour or one more lunch date. That person’s schedule is stretched…yours isn’t…be resourceful and help out and pull together a gathering.
6. Don’t ask someone out for dinner or lunch “for one last time” and then expect them to pay the bill. Really. That is just….sigh….a lot. One, your friend changed their schedule and accommodated your wishes. Once again…you have no idea the amount of money it takes to shut down and set up a new life. Switching of phone services, cancelling bills, moving, clean up fees, storage or trucking fees, new deposits, currency changes, rates, new equipment for new home, transportation cost, new clothes costs, and that is just off the top of my head. Every $20 counts….if you can’t afford to take your friend out then make a lunch or supper…but don’t expect them to foot everything…they already are.
5. If you are an ex. Stay an ex. Unless you are doing for real closure which is a valuable conversation (see Insecure season 2 finale for notes). Don’t try to get a last cuddle in, drop a “Hey Big Head” text…just nothing. Just stay in ex zone…let it go. Let it go. Same goes with friends with benefits statuses.
4. If you are giving a gift, please allow it to be very very memorable or give cash. I know sounds harsh, but pay attention…every pound is being counted for in moving. Every ounce and every space in every container. Mail the gift or give cash. Be considerate of the decisions that have to be made. I guess you can tell from this post…i prefer cash. Send it paypal, no bills because now I may have to convert it…IT’S CASH baby….it’s cash. Send people money. Or just make sure your gift gonna make them cry.
3. Don’t forget…making a memory is one of the best gifts to give. If you desire to be unique….gift a memory. A concert, a comedy show, a night out, a spa day (one of my gifts ever)…people who are moving are deciding to make life an adventure…add to their story.
2. Plan for your gift or your time, but leave the last week before departure to them. There is no need to do a last second happy hour, a quick lunch or anything else. If you cared and they really meant something you would have put in the time and plan in before waiting until their last second for you to commemorate them. It means the world to have people come and love on you and want to make sure they invest that time…however, there is a point when it isn’t thoughtful…it’s infringing on the things that need to be done.
- Remember that saying good-bye is about them, not you. That is the most important gift. It’s not about your needs…its about theirs. Their wishes, their goals. It’s not about how you want to say good-bye…its about how they need to receive it. Please be loving. Be fair. Listen. Pray. Hope. Drink. Guide. Life. Love. Be it all, but most of all be the friend, cousin, sister, aunt, father, mother or whomever in their life that they need. Please don’t add stress to the person’s load by making them accountable to you. You show up, you plan, you toast, you lead, you help, you pack, you babysit, you just do….
They need it….