Are you excited about moving?
Are you looking forward to new adventures?
What challenges are ahead of you?
Wow, there are so many questions. And yes, there are some answers. But before spending time speculating about what is to come….I think there needs to be significant moments spent grateful on the past.
The moments that make up my life.
The laughter. The people. The goals. The joy.
So on this evening, I am sitting in my sister’s house…while she is peering over her husband making sure he don’t use to much salt in the fried fish and I am in my usual spot….which is out of the way. And I am watching the people who have loved me. With gratitude.
The dog….who is waiting for scraps of food. The children who run in and out the house, more concerned about their own agendas. The slamming of doors, running of air conditioning, pouring of wine, bass drums of old school music.
That is the magic of life.
And on this last week stateside, I remember it all.
See, I am frustrated. Worrying about what is to be. Lesson plans, curriculum, dry heat and eczema. New bedding sheets, work out facilitates, plane tickets….trust…there is so much to go through this Virgo’s mind.
Be anxious about the future helps hides the tears about the past. We think that is good…but I realize tonight it is not. My tears show my heart. What I cherish. What means most….I don’t know if I feel loss, or fear, or just the pain of missing people…but those feelings are real and deserved.
And oh the things I will miss.
The music of a Saturday night, with wine glasses at the comfort of my sister’s home.
My friend who randomly texts good morning, great day and says nothing else.
The muddled arguments over good food when everyone is yelling but ain’t nobody heard and not knowing if unicorns fly.
My mother’s hand.
My line sister’s called during traffic jams.
Random texts of frustrations.
The petty of family jokes and memories.
Being the voice of reason for my friend who loves calling me because we know she can be unreasonable.
My rock in hard places, his voice helping me find sanity and rediscovering all I am.
My girl. My bestie. And being her child’s number five.
My hazer…the one who always seen the best of who I am, before I even knew I had the traits.
My vertical babies…the lineage of generational sisters who are learning the power of reaching out and loving a woman who used to be a stranger.
Mixing shea butter and coconut oil.
My mistakes. And passing areas of my mistakes and knowing they no longer haunt me.
Being close to my successes…that they can fuel me so easily.
Being here. Not there. Being here.
It is this life that has created every moment, every emotion, every tale for me to be the person who can go there. I may be running to a new life, hoping, wondering, but I know this…I will be living it. And with no regrets….there will not be a moment in the times that I am leaving behind that I haven’t reflected on.
And not a person. Even the ones who I told to kiss my ass. You have helped shaped me as well.
So if anything…this is a post to say I remember you. I loved you….and I will continue loving you. The future plans I have are nice….but they don’t replace the memories.
And if you want to hear me say anything….the time when you sit on a porch and reflect is vital. To let your heart linger over the goodness of life. Those moments, people and time. Not to cry about what you miss…but to rejoice in what you had. The making of your life….yours. No one elses….
For the record…my brother in law messed up the shrimp. Bad. Like, I want to ban him from Fried Food Fridays…but I’m leaving the country so oh well….