Why are you moving?????
Why are you going to Kuwait?????
What you doing???
I am moving to Kuwait, because I can.
I know. There are eyes balked out. My statement is so rude. I get it. But it is my first truth, a truth that hit me a month ago. I am moving to Kuwait because I can. I simply can.
And it has been so long since I felt that I can say a statement that was totally for me, in defense of me, and unapologetically mine.
And it is a good feeling.
Yes. To say that I put me first. That it’s mine. That I don’t need to justify, compensate, or have a reason to uproot my life and move…except that I can. These are my choices now. I don’t know if they are right or perfect…but I do know that they are part of my life journey….and I can have them and do them.
Is there a back story? Yes. There is. An ugly one. One that might make me cry to repeat it this one time on pages. One I haven’t decided to talk about in hyperboles and figurative language or put it out there.
I choose to give myself up for a piece of love. And i lied to myself. And it cost me over $30,000.
I kept thinking my heaven of work place passion was behind someone else’s vision and I kept being a slave to other’s systems.
I found myself in dark holes and spaces and I couldn’t figure out to breathe.
I stopped looking in mirrors.
I stopped seeing who I was.
I kept hearing the voices of all the advice ever given to me and I only heard how I wasn’t any of those things.
That is the ugly I fought myself from. That is the pain I am so happy on today that I know isn’t true but just part of what I was living. I went through my items yesterday and saw the words I wrote when I was twenty. Who is this girl? She is beautiful and phenomenal and what happened to me that I stifled her and decided to be normal?
I hate that it took 20 years to get back to home. But I am excited that I found home. And that I found it in a place that I can honor it. No job will give my purpose to my name. No man must claim me in order for me to radiate in this world. No person can define what I am supposed to be. So I move to Kuwait because I can. Because at this time I need to and I want to and because…it is simply the next story.
I am moving to Kuwait. It’s beautiful. It is scary. Its so many things….but it is mine. So I will claim it in my story and see what will happen. I not running from things…I am not even running towards things. I am going with my flow. Following my journey, dancing my routine and running my course.
I’m changing my address ya’ll. I am changing the scenery. I am trying something new. I am learning it, and I am leaning into it. I am redefining what I am. But reclaiming who I am. I am giving my all to this life…and with a smile to my face.
And no. I can’t do that here. There is a cycle that is here that allows me to focus on the visions of others and not the vision of myself. And that is the beautiful piece of this entire blog.
I trust myself.
I will be just fine.